Hi friend 🖤
Yesterday was my birthday.
I posted a little about it. I shared what I'd been building. I said thank you to a lot of people. And then I closed the laptop and was with my family.
But there's a longer version of what I shared yesterday, one that didn't fit in an Instagram caption, and I wanted to tell it to you today.
Because YOU are the people who actually read.
I used to be the woman sending those paragraph texts.
You know the ones. The ones that start with "hey, sorry, I just wanted to clarify what I said earlier..." and end three paragraphs later with "...anyway, no rush to reply, I just wanted to make sure we're okay."
I was the woman who would re-read my own messages five times after I sent them.
The woman who could tell, from the absence of a single text back, that something was clearly, terribly, irreparably wrong.
The woman who would look at someone steady — kind, available, someone who actually wanted me — and feel absolutely nothing.
And then chase someone unavailable and call it chemistry.
For a long time, I thought there was something wrong with me.
I thought I was just anxious in love. I thought I was too sensitive. I thought I was too much — or maybe not enough.
I read every book. I knew every framework. I could explain anxious attachment three different ways before I'd even had my morning coffee.
But naming it didn't change it.
I'd find myself in the same patterns six months later, wondering why the knowledge wasn't enough.
It took me a long time to understand something simple…..
Your nervous system doesn't care what your brain knows.
You can KNOW you're anxiously attached and still spiral when he doesn't text back.
You can KNOW you "should" choose secure people and still feel nothing when you meet one.
You can KNOW that your reaction is bigger than the moment and still send the paragraph text anyway.
The reaction is rarely the root.
And the root can't be reached with information alone.
From the Chair
Gif by TheShampooLounge on Giphy
From the chair ✂️
Here's what I've come to understand after twenty years in a salon chair, a degree in psychology, and years of coaching:
Anxious attachment isn't a personality flaw.
It isn't weakness.
It's a nervous system pattern your body built — usually in your first few years of life — to keep you connected to the people you needed to survive.
If your earliest caregivers were inconsistent... If love was conditional... If you had to perform for affection... If you took care of someone's emotions before you understood your own...
Your body got smart.
It learned to scan for danger. To monitor moods. To anticipate withdrawal. To work overtime for connection.
It learned that vigilance equals safety.
That's not crazy. That's brilliant. That's what kept you connected when connection wasn't guaranteed.
The root: But here's the thing about that survival strategy:
It worked when you were 5.
It's exhausting at 35.
It's destroying your sleep at 45.
It's keeping you from the love you've been chasing your whole life.
The shift doesn't happen when you learn MORE.
It happens when you finally do the work of understanding what your body believes about love — and gently, patiently, teaching it something different.
That's the work.
That's the only work that actually shifts the pattern.
That's why I built From Anxious to Secure.
A 7-day reset for the person who's tired of running.
For 7 days starting Wednesday May 27, I'll send you a voice memo each morning. About 7-10 minutes each. Like a voice note from a friend who happens to be a coach.
Each day teaches one piece of the puzzle:
→ Day 1 — Where your pattern actually came from (and why naming the origin matters) → Day 2 — How it shows up in your life right now — and the lie underneath every behavior → Day 3 — Why familiar feels like home (even when it's not safe) → Day 4 — Your triggers as maps, not weaknesses → Day 5 — The two communication tools that change everything → Day 6 — Self-soothing and repair — becoming your own safe place → Day 7 — The new internal script that finally replaces the old one
You'll get a daily written reflection prompt.
You'll be added to a private community of people walking through the same week alongside you.
And on Day 7, we gather live for 60 minutes — your questions, your wins, your hard moments, in real time with me
If you're not sure where you even land — if you've never formally named your attachment style — I built a free quiz that you can take before deciding anything else.
13 questions. Five minutes. A clear read on the pattern that's been running your relationships — and a tailored breakdown sent straight to your inbox.
It costs you nothing.
If your result is anxious or disorganized, you'll know in five minutes whether the challenge is for you.
If it's avoidant or secure — you'll still learn something about yourself that you probably haven't named before.
Either way, you walk away knowing more than you did this morning.
For those of you who already know — or already know you're ready — here's the direct path:
From Anxious to Secure A 7-Day Challenge with me, starting Wednesday May 27. $67. Doors close Tuesday, May 26 at 11:59pm CT. Limited to 30 spots.
It's $67 — less than one therapy session.
It's 7 days — less than one week of your life.
But it's the kind of work that changes how you show up for years.
Not because I'm magic.
Because YOU are. And once your body actually understands what it's been carrying, you can finally put some of it down.
I'm not going to pitch you harder than this.
If something in this email landed in your chest, you'll know.
If you've been quietly carrying this for years, you'll feel it.
The right people will say yes. The rest will save this email for another day. Both are okay.
Thank you for reading this far.
Thank you for being part of this little corner of the internet where we tell the truth about hard things.
And if you've ever sent a paragraph text and immediately regretted it — I see you.
You're not crazy. You're not broken.
You're just remembering something your body learned a long time ago.
And it's possible to remember something new.
That's the whole challenge.
That's the whole work.
That's why I built this. 🖤
With you in it.
P.S. If you're not ready to enroll but you know someone who needs this, the most generous thing you can do is forward this email. Sometimes the bravest thing a person does is point another person toward the work they couldn't ask for themselves.
P.P.S. If you have questions about whether the challenge is right for you, hit reply. I read every single response. We can figure it out together.
Nichole Marie
Mindset Coach • Speaker • The Real Storytellers
